Back to the roots

So recently I had been dying my hair darker colors. Mainly due to experimenting, but partially because I am trying to make myself a "better" me. I have been struggling with my weight my whole life. I am to this day still struggling to stay focused and determined. Discipline is not for me, try as I might, it's one of the toughest things that I have had to deal with. I want it, and I know I will get it... it's just tough. I noticed the other day that my roots are showing and they are showing drastically. It's like my hair is screaming to be blonde again... and really, that's who I am. That's how people know me. I've become unnoticed with many things. I'd like to be blonde again. So, that's what I will do. It will be a long process because I don't want to damage my hair horribly.

Some more issues that are in my head are ones that scream... " you eat way too much!!!" especially when it comes to junk food. Shit, its really all i eat and i hate it. Another reason why I feel like shit lately. I've lost weight, but need to lose more.. for me, nobody else but me. I dont want to grow old and be unhealthy. It scares me that it could happen. I need to straighten up my act here so I can be the best that I am allowed to be. Part of my go abouts with this is to get back to being extremely organic and start back up with the vegan inside of me... the ways of veganism isn't healthy, but the mindset of what to purchase based on nutritional value... like no junk food.. will be super helpful. PS... I am not going to be vegan... sticking to healthy vegetarian.

I know that I complain a lot that I am just not good enough. I want to be all of these things and know that it will be extremely difficult. I need to find a couple of goals and stick to them because no matter how beautiful I try to get, I know that there is somebody that thinks I am already there. :)

I am going to start making more meals and less easy lunches to go... and I also need to start logging my exercise better. I have sort of strayed away to my online log, but I'm coming back full speed. I need to be less stressed too. Nothing healthy comes from the stress that I deal with on a day to day basis. Quitting New York and Company is on my to do list... I just have to find that job that will get me to where the money is... even if it is just part time. I know that I have been talking about quitting that place before... I just came back after a few weeks of break with them and realized my passion is gone. It doesn't feel the same there and it isn't worth my time or energy to care. I love the people there.. just closing that chapter in my life. It's not what I want to do for a living, not what I went to school for. Opportunities will not come my way with that place, and I have learned the hard way. It's time to move forward with life, be the person that I want to be, and do the things that I have skills for.

On a different note...
Why the hell do guys not smile when they are getting their pictures taken... they look ridiculous!!!