Thursday, August 5, 2010
Lost in this state
Today I have been contiplating where I am going with my life. I feel very lost and have no where to turn. I got a statement for my schooling a couple of weeks ago showing how much I owe and when I get to start making payments. $27,000+ for the next 10 years. Am I wasting this money on my education? Too little too late, but I love my degree. Jobs suck. Life sucks right now, I feel lonely (due to not knowing where to go) empty minded and stuck. I am sick of people saying... "don't worry.. stick it out". I have heard this since I started school... with everything. How long must I have to stick this out to see some sort of reward??? I hate asking for help. I am searching for jobs, looking for ways to lower my monthly bills and I donate almost twice a week. The donating is taking its toll on me. I have been nothing but exhausted and sick because of it... do i really have to put myself through this just so I can pay my bills and put gas in my car. I feel bad because Austin pays for so much for me... I tell him not to but he does. I am grateful for it, trust me I am... but it makes me feel worthless and useless. I work my ass off and have absolutely nothing to show for it. There are so many things that I need to get as far as money goes... but I have been putting them off.. creating me to be more stressed and feel more self pity. These days my life is consumed with homework and work.. very little time to see Austin and my friends and family. Writing this out right now is making me all choked up. I just want to give up, but I know I only have 4 more months left and school is done. But then what? I have applied for job after job, whether it was degree related or not.. haven't heard a thing. Summit has available hours to give, but I think I am too new to get any of them. I hate working at the mall because it's a complete temptation and constant reminder on how much i suck with life/money. I look at people around me and try to figure out how they do it... and i can't come up with anything. All i can say is that life sucks... i'm stuck.. and only have a few good things going for me... but how to get there, well that takes money.
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It's not entirely true that everything takes money, although a lot of things do! I try to focus more on the journey rather then a specific destination. We are always in transit from one point in life to another...focusing on a specific destination will only make you feel pressured, frustrated and lost. You have to enjoy the path you are on, while you are on it. Money is only one factor that goes into it, it's not something to focus on. People everywhere will always have debt, always owe someone something. Remember connect the dots pictures? It's kind of like that. Although things in life (dots) may not make complete sense at the given moment, after you connect a few more, step back and look at the bigger picture, it'll make more sense then.
ReplyDeleteAs for the job hunt, use every outlet possible, make sure your resume is amazing, write amazing and over the top cover letters, follow up and you'll be sure to get somewhere. It can be a frustrating process but the harder you strive to put yourself out there the more likely it will be that you will find something amazing. :D
Thank you Angela.... I hope all is well with you :)
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